Download full episode transcript HERE.

We spend months preparing for a baby—but how much time do we spend preparing for what happens to us?

In this episode of UNrattled, Katie O’Toole, author of Mayday on the Mothership, joins Venay for an honest conversation about the parts of becoming a parent that often go unspoken. They talk about the identity shift of motherhood, grieving pieces of your old life while deeply loving your child, postpartum recovery and mental health, changing relationships, returning to work, and the isolation that can exist even during one of life's most joyful seasons.

This isn't a conversation about how to parent the “right” way. It's about saying the things parents too often don't hear until they're already living them—and reminding one another that maybe we aren't as alone as we think.

Key Takeaways

• Becoming a parent means becoming someone new, too. Katie introduces matrescence—the profound physical, emotional, social, professional, and relational transition involved in becoming a mother.

• Gratitude and grief can exist together. Missing your freedom, friendships, career identity, or pieces of your old life doesn't cancel out the love you have for your child.

• Postpartum deserves as much preparation as birth. Physical recovery, sleep deprivation, intrusive thoughts, postpartum depression and anxiety, and other unexpected experiences can leave parents wondering why no one warned them.

• Families need more than baby gear—they need support. Partners, friends, family, workplaces, communities, and broader systems all affect how parents experience those first months.

• Honesty can make parenthood less lonely. Sometimes the most powerful thing another parent can offer isn't advice or a solution. It's simply: “Me too.”

This Week’s UNrattled Challenge: Say the Thing Nobody Says

So much of this episode comes back to the things parents experience but hesitate to say out loud—the loneliness, resentment, exhaustion, guilt, fear, grief, or even missing who you used to be.

This week, make one parenting conversation a little more honest.

If you're in the thick of it, tell someone you trust one thing about parenthood you've been afraid to admit. And if you know a new or expecting parent, skip “How's the baby?” just once and ask:

“How are YOU doing—really?”

You don't have to fix whatever comes next. Listen. Make room for the answer. Because, as this conversation reminds us, talking honestly may not make parenthood easier—but it can make it a lot less lonely.